


Ask Your Heart What it Doth Know

by rumpelsnorcack



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-11
Packaged: 2018-04-18 15:43:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4711397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rumpelsnorcack/pseuds/rumpelsnorcack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite his uncertainty earlier, meeting people here really hadn’t been any different from any of the times he’d been forced to do the same thing in various high schools over the years.  Except that … well, except that usually his hands didn’t tingle after shaking the hand of one of his new acquaintances.  </p><p>Peter has never met the others before meeting Ben and Balthazar in a university lecture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got a bit overwhelmed by the angst floating around Lovely Little Losers, so I had to write some fluffy fluffy fluff. I don't usually write AUs, but this is the idea that hit me when I wanted the fluff. I know everyone and their dog has already done these university AUs, but my fluff needs were high so I gave in. I know the angst has settled down lately, but I can still feel it lurking, hiding round a corner waiting to leap out at us.
> 
> This is completed, but the other chapters are with my beta, Mollywheezy. I hope to have them up at a rate of one per day. Chapter notes will be at the end of any applicable chapters. Many many thanks to [deathtosanepeople](http://archiveofourown.org/users/deathtosanepeople) for all her help, too.

It was always the same in new places.  Walk in, look around, pick someone to talk to, and then engage them in conversation.  He’d done this so often that it was second nature to Peter.  This time was slightly different, given that he had chosen to come here rather than being sent somewhere new because of his father.  Still.  It should work the same. 

He scanned the room carefully.  The lanky guy with the dreads?  Nah … too focused on the text book in front of him.  The girls laughing in the corner?  No, not them either.  There were too many of them and they didn’t look like they would welcome someone new.  Hmmmm … the guy with the shock of dark hair who was staring around just as avidly as Peter.  Yes.  That was the best option in this room. 

Peter walked purposefully in his direction and caught his eye when he was a few metres away. 

‘Is this seat taken?’ he asked, gesturing to the empty seat beside the guy. 

‘No.  Not at all.  Sit down, park yourself.  Welcome.’ 

‘You’re British?’  Peter exclaimed, his genuine delight warm in his voice as he sat down. 

‘Indeed.  What gave it away?’ 

‘It was the scintillating conversation, the witty words you used.  Clearly.’ 

‘Clearly.  And clearly you have excellent taste in seatmates.’ 

Peter snorted, already pleased he had chosen this guy to sit with. 

‘Hey, Ben,’ said another, softer voice from the other side of his new friend.  Peter looked up to see a slight, nervous-looking guy hovering by Ben’s left shoulder. 

‘Balthy!  Come.  Sit!’  Ben pulled on the other guy’s shirt as he gesticulated towards Peter.  ‘Look, I made a new friend.  And you said I was hopeless!’  

The other guy gave Peter a shy smile before sitting down.  ‘That wasn’t me, Ben.  That was Bea.’ 

‘Oh yeah.  Right.’  Taken aback for a few moments, Ben soon remembered himself.  ‘Balthy, this is …’ he turned to Peter, with a grimace.  ‘Actually, I didn’t get your name?’ 

‘Peter,’ he said, holding his hand out first to Ben and then to this … Balthy? 

‘Balthazar, actually’ the other guy said as if he sensed Peter’s confusion.  (And as if that name was any less odd).  When Balthazar reached to take his hand, Peter held the grip for slightly longer than necessary, and his fingers tingled when released. 

‘And I’m Ben,’ Ben said with a tone of self-importance.  ‘And now we’re all friends.’ 

Peter heard Balthazar give a small chuckle as he pulled his refill and a pen from his bag.  The lecturer began riffling through papers on his lectern, then started talking.  Ben shuffled until he was sitting forward, chin cupped in his hands and his eyes wide as he soaked in the lecture.  Peter reluctantly turned away from his new friends and tried to pay attention himself.  He felt relieved – despite his uncertainty earlier, meeting people here really hadn’t been any different from any of the times he’d been forced to do the same thing in various high schools over the years.  Except that … well, except that usually his hands _didn’t_ tingle after shaking the hands of one of his new acquaintances.  

Peter glanced behind Ben’s back at Balthazar, whose eyes were focused on the front and who seemed to be totally engaged in the lecture.  He looked up, however, and caught Peter’s eye, giving him a slight smile before refocusing on his work.  Peter’s gut clenched, warmth spread through his chest, and he sighed.  Seriously?  He was going to get a crush already?  On some guy who was probably straight?  Forcing himself to concentrate, he tried to take in what the lecturer was saying about the course and the syllabus for the year.  

 

After the lecture, they all ventured outside.  When they were blinking in the sun, Ben gave a dramatic sigh.  ‘Well, that seems rubbish!  Why am I taking English again?  

‘Because you were seduced by the idea of seduction and betrayal,’ Balthazar said, smirking a little. 

‘I was not!  The texts seemed very interesting …’ Ben trailed off. 

‘I would feel sorry for you, but you’re the one who chose to add one English paper to ‘round out your education’ – you brought this on yourself.’ 

‘Well, you should have known better and talked me out of it.  Balthy, have I taught you nothing?’ 

Peter snickered at the exasperated look on Balthazar’s face.  Both the others turned to him quickly, Balthazar blushing as he caught Peter’s eye.  Peter kicked himself over how endearing he found it.  This was weird.  While he had known he was bisexual for several months now, and had enjoyed several brief encounters with guys on dance floors, it had been a long time since he’d been this drawn to someone else this quickly, particularly someone he’d spoken barely two words to.  Also, last time it had been Cleo, in Year 12, and before that, Maria in Year 11; it had never been a guy before.  He pulled his gaze away hastily. 

‘What say we all ditch this place and get some lovely, lovely sustenance?’  Ben cajoled.  ‘We deserve it after that.’ 

‘I shouldn’t …’ said Peter.  But he was reluctant to leave these people.  They already seemed more interesting than any of the friends he’d made at his last school just outside of Christchurch.  To be fair, everyone else in Burnham had been friends since Primary school and he had only lived there a year, but it had been frustratingly difficult to break into any of the long-established friend groups. 

‘Oh, come on!’ Ben cried, pushing against Peter’s back and setting his feet on the path away from the campus.  ‘It’s the first day.  You probably don’t even have another class until …?’ 

‘Three, yeah,’ said Peter, allowing himself to be propelled down the narrow pathway. 

‘See!  And you need lunch – got to keep your energy up for all those long, tedious hours of study to come.’

Again Peter heard Balthazar chuckle.  He glanced up and their eyes met again.  This time there was a sparkle in the other guy’s eyes.  Peter shrugged helplessly as Ben dropped his aggressive pushing and they began to walk together.  He was rewarded with a slight smile, which made his heart leap a little more than he thought was quite necessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this AU world, the University of Auckland doesn’t exist (despite me stealing the title of one of their English papers), and everyone goes to Messina University. This in turn means the school students are at some un-named generic Auckland school rather than Messina High. I Imagine Peter in this universe living in the Burnham area and attending Lincoln High School during the year before he moved to Auckland, but you can feel free to imagine him at any other appropriate high school.


	2. Chapter 2

Two days later, Peter looked out for Ben and Balthazar in the lecture theatre when he arrived.  His heart sank when he didn’t see them, and he moved slowly to the seats they had sat in last time.  He bent down to pull his gear out of his bag, reflecting that he was quite early so he shouldn’t be _this_ disappointed the others weren’t here yet.   

As he was straightening up, he suddenly felt a weight on his shoulders.  He squawked loudly, dropping all his gear and startling nearby students, before realising Ben had just jumped on him. 

‘Ah mate, you’ve got to be ready for everything,’ Ben exclaimed as he slid into the seat next to Peter’s. 

‘Bro, that’s just weird,’ Peter said, laughing as he straightened up and took stock of his scattered possessions. 

‘Here you go.’  Peter looked up into startlingly blue eyes as Balthazar handed him a pen which had skittered into the aisle. 

‘Thanks,’ he smiled.  

They all sat down, and Peter found himself wedged between the others.   He became distractingly aware of the heat of Balthazar’s leg as it brushed against his own.

‘So, Balthy,’ Ben said, leaning past Peter to interrogate his friend, and breaking into Peter’s musings.  ‘How did your date with Gus go?  Tell me all the gory details.  Have you sworn off love forever?  Because, obviously that’s the only proper response to…’ he shuddered theatrically, ‘romance.’ 

Peter snaked a glance sideways in time to see Balthazar blushing.  Gus?  Short for Augusta?  Or … maybe Augustus? 

‘Nah,’ Balthazar said.  ‘Nah.  It wasn’t great.  He wasn’t …’ He glanced sideways at Peter and rethought whatever he had been about to say.  ‘Well.  It wasn’t … yeah.’  He looked carefully at his hands, clearly trying to avoid catching anyone’s eyes. 

‘See.  I told you.  Relationships: fucking terrible.’  Ben nodded sagely, as if this proved his point. 

Peter allowed himself to be diverted for a moment from the tantalising knowledge that Balthazar did, indeed, actually like blokes.  And that _he_ was actually a bloke.  Who could be liked, if he were lucky.    

‘You don’t like relationships?’ he asked Ben.  ‘Why not?’ 

‘Oh don’t get him started,’ Balthazar said with a smile.  ‘He has this lecture he does on the matter.  You don’t want to see the PowerPoint.’ 

Peter sniggered.  ‘PowerPoint?’ 

‘Hey!  I’ll have you know that my PowerPoint is a work of art.’  Ben opened his mouth to continue, but was interrupted by the lecture’s beginning. 

Peter glanced sideways again and caught Balthazar’s eye.  They shared a smile, and again his stomach did a flip.  It was ridiculously difficult to keep his attention on the lecturer with Balthazar’s leg occasionally brushing his as one or the other shifted in his seat.  If he wasn’t careful, Peter ran the risk of failing this course through sheer distraction.  He was probably even going to have to borrow someone’s notes, just to make head or tail of this lecture.

 

This time when the lecture was over, Ben gave a dramatic sigh, and insisted they all go for a drink at his place.  When Peter tried to excuse himself, Ben shook his head.  

‘No no no no no no, my little apprentice.  You are quite the celebrity among our friends.  They are insisting on meeting you.’ 

‘How is that even possible?  I met you … what?  Two days ago?’ 

‘Oh, Ben’s adopted you as his newest, bestest friend,’ Balthazar said.  He smirked over at Ben.  ‘He can’t stop talking about you.’ 

‘That is totally not true!  I just mentioned that you and I met the only decent person at Messina University, and they obviously want to meet him because clearly I have such discriminating taste that they know Peter will be somebody worth knowing.’ 

Laughing, Peter said, ‘you’re overselling me.  It’s going to be a huge let-down when I meet them.  But whatever.  Let’s go, then.’ 

Ben’s friends were, surprisingly, not at all weird.  Nor were they waiting with bated breath at the gate for a sight of the great Peter Donaldson.  Instead, Peter found them warm and friendly.  Once again, he found himself comparing them to his friends in Burnham.  The difference was startling, and he allowed himself a small smile. 

‘So, you’re from Christchurch?’  Bea asked him when they both happened to be in the kitchen at the same time. 

‘Yeah.  Kind of.  My dad’s a military trainer so we lived at Burnham.  Only for a year, though.  Waiouru before that.’ 

‘Ah.’  Bea nodded.  ‘Why didn’t you go to Canterbury, though?  Wouldn’t that have been cheaper?’ 

‘Nah, not really.  If my dad moved on again I’d have had to find a flat there.  Besides, there’s nothing to do down there.’ 

Bea quirked an enquiring eyebrow at him, and he grinned.  The thought that she was really quite attractive flitted through his mind – his grin broadened and he shifted slightly to get a little closer to her. 

‘The CBD is still a mess and there aren’t too many places to have fun.  To be honest it’s a bit depressing.  I’d rather be here – away from my parents, and my little brother.’ 

‘It’s still not fixed?’ 

‘Nope.’ 

‘How long’s it been?’ 

‘Four or five years maybe?  It’s been years, anyway.  So.  Like I said – it’s not much fun in town there so it’s better to be here.  No parents to report to, and a lot of fun to be had.’  He smiled his most winning smile at her and was rewarded with a wide smile of her own. 

‘I’ll drink to that!’  Bea said and clinked her glass against his. 

When they returned to the lounge he could feel eyes on him.  He looked up and saw Balthazar watching them with a small, sad smile.  Peter raised his eyebrows at him, and Balthazar’s smile widened slightly before he looked away.  Peter said goodbye to Bea and made his way to where Balthazar was sitting. 

‘D’you mind if I sit?  Getting a bit tired.’ 

‘Yeah yeah, sit down.’  Balthazar shifted along the couch to make room, and directed a smile at Peter that made his insides melt. 

‘So, what’s your story?’  Peter asked, trying to ignore the way Balthazar was making him feel.  ‘I mean, you’re obviously taking English, but I don’t know anything else about you.’ 

‘Nothing much to tell.  Music is my life, and other than that …’ 

‘Music!  That’s awesome, bro.  Are you any good?’ 

‘Yeah, nah.  I’m okay, I guess.’ 

‘Okay?  Hero piped up, having caught the tail end of the conversation.  ‘Balthy, you need to stop being so modest!’  She turned to Peter and added, ‘he’s amazing.  You should hear him play some time.’ 

Peter looked at Balthazar, who was blushing beside him, and grinned.  ‘I would love to hear you.  Do you play anywhere?’ 

‘Well, I kind of have a gig in a couple of weeks …’ 

‘Brilliant.  Can I have the details?’ 

As Balthazar scribbled the details on a nearby scrap of paper, Peter looked up into the amused and knowing eyes of Ben, who had been watching from across the room.  He could feel his own cheeks heating up as he deliberately looked away again.  If his crush was that obvious to others he was going to have to be more careful with what he did and said.  It wouldn’t stop him from going to the gig, though.  That’s what a friend would do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am reasonably sure that military bases in NZ don’t work the way in reality that they do in this story, and apparently at least one of them is now tiny and barely operational so that is all AU as well. I have had Peter be rather unflattering to the Burnham residents during this story –basically accusing them of being insular and unwelcoming. I‘m sure in real life they are a wonderful bunch of people – they certainly fought very hard for their school when it was threatened with closure after the Canterbury earthquakes, citing community bonding due to being mainly military families. This community bonding is where I have taken Peter’s alienation from. I know from experience how hard it can be to be the outsider in a close knit community. I have also got Peter being much more negative than he should be about the state of Christchurch at the moment. While, five years after the earthquakes, it is still a depressingly featureless wasteland in many parts of the city, there is a thriving café/bar/club scene and I know many people his age who enjoy the city immensely. Poor Peter is reflecting his own unhappy experiences of feeling like an outsider onto the city. I heartily apologise to anyone who lives here or in Burnham and loves their home – these are Peter’s views and not mine. I love the city a lot!


	3. Chapter 3

At the next lecture, Peter arrived early again.  So once again he staked out their accustomed seats.  As he waited for Ben and Balthazar, he sat watching the other students file in and find their seats.  There was always that moment when they looked up, scanning the room to see if they knew someone.  Then the faces which lit up as they started to move purposefully towards their friends, or the slump of the shoulders as they searched for an open spot.  

It was amusing enough, but Peter got bored quickly.  He wished he had someone to talk to, but today he couldn’t be bothered making small talk with someone new.  However, it was close to the start of the lecture before Ben rushed in, breathing heavily as if he had been running. 

‘You okay?’  Peter whispered as the lecturer started up his opening spiel. 

‘Yeah.  Just didn’t think I’d make it in time.  Got caught up chatting with Bea and lost track of time.’  Ben’s wheezy whisper was hardly quiet, and one or two people hissed at him to shut up. 

Peter sniggered.  From what he’d seen the other day, Ben’s attitude towards relationships was in danger of imploding if his relations with a certain fiery friend kept on the way they were going.  Their bickering seemed much more like flirting than true, all-out war.  Pity.  She was very attractive, and he had briefly thought about asking her out, but Peter could tell that trying to get in between that dynamic would be a wasted effort.  However, speaking of Bea reminded him of someone else. 

‘Where’s Balthazar today?’ 

‘Oh.  He‘s not feeling well.  He had a bad date with a total jerk last night.’ 

Peter felt his heart constrict, as much at the thought of a Balthazar so upset he was avoiding lectures as for the jealousy that coursed through his body at the thought of him with someone else.  Funny that he didn’t feel that jealousy over the idea of Bea and Ben.  

People around them were starting to glare again, so Peter dropped his voice even further. 

‘What sort of jerk?’ 

‘The sort of jerk who was experimenting with guys and who decided he was totally straight after all.  That sort of jerk.’  Ben looked sideways at Peter, thought better of it, and turned to fix him with a steely eye.  ‘Not that it’s any of my business, but Balthy’s my friend and I’m sick of this happening.’  The look he gave Peter was very pointed. 

‘What?  You think I …?’  Peter grinned, feeling uncomfortable, and aware that he was probably giving himself away.  

Ben eyed him with exasperation.  ‘I’ve got eyes, Peter.  You’re not fooling anyone.’ 

‘Okay!  Okay.’  Peter thought for a moment.  They really needed to concentrate, and the people around them were becoming increasingly aware of the conversation – and increasingly annoyed by it.  Peter realised he couldn’t explain himself here, so he whispered, ‘I’ve got something to tell you that I don’t want to spill here, okay?  Can we go somewhere after the lecture?’ 

Ben looked at him appraisingly, then nodded, and Peter found it hard to focus on what was being taught during the rest of the lecture.  He was definitely going to need to borrow someone’s notes.

 

Later, when they were sitting in a secluded spot in a small café with a coffee each, Peter took a deep breath.  He let it out slowly, before beginning to speak. 

‘Look, I know I’ve only known you guys for a short time.  And this may be totally out of line, but I’m a pretty honest person and I think you should know.  Especially after what you said back there.’  

Peter stopped and took another breath.  He kicked himself, feeling like he sounded like a goddam newsreader – all formal and brusque.   _Relax, Donaldson.  Relax!_  he chided himself.  This was proving to be harder than he’d expected, but he needed to tell someone and he already felt he could trust Ben.  As obnoxious as he could be, he also obviously had a good heart.  And he was equally obviously totally fine with Balthazar being into guys. Taking a punt, though looking nervously at Ben, Peter resolved to do it.  After all, he figured, if he was rebuffed for this revelation, at least it wasn’t with someone he’d invested a lot of time into. 

Looking down to steel himself, Peter said in a low voice, ‘I’m … well, I’m bisexual.’  He let out his breath in a slow whistle, glancing up to gauge Ben’s reaction.  He was smiling, so Peter relaxed.  ‘Wow that feels weird.  I’ve never said that out loud before.’ 

‘That’s not a joke?’ 

Peter shook his head.  ‘Not a joke, no.  Not experimenting, definitely know myself.’ 

‘That’s pretty brilliant!’ 

Peter could feel a huge grin spreading over his face.  The relief he felt at having finally shared it with someone else was intoxicating.  ‘Yeah, it kind of is.’ 

‘So, you and Balthy then?’  Ben took a sip of his coffee and looked at Peter with a knowing smile. 

Peter could feel the blush heating his cheeks again and grimaced.  ‘It’s not like that.’ 

‘You mean, it’s not like that … yet.’  Ben smirked at him, then relented when Peter’s blush deepened.  ‘I told you.  I have eyes.’  He winked.  ‘And I know Balthy … he’s not uninterested, if you know what I mean.’ 

Peter smiled.  Ben’s concern for his friend was endearing, and it was rather flattering that he was so approving. 

‘What happened to ‘relationships are terrible’?’ 

‘I make some exceptions.  Not many, but some.  And if Balthy is so set on getting a bloody boyfriend, it may as well be one I actually like.’ 

Warmth flooded through Peter’s chest.  He was happy, he realised.  It was nice to be accepted.  Accepted not just for what he’d just told Ben, but also for himself, and that was something he hadn’t really felt for a long time. He smiled again, and looked Ben in the eye. 

‘I mean, I wouldn’t say no, obviously.  But I don’t want to rush into anything, either, especially if he’s used to these guys who are just playing him around.’ 

‘You’re a decent guy, Peter.’  Ben nodded at him with approval.  

‘Well, now you’re just trying to make me blush on purpose.’ 

‘What can I say?  Isn’t that what friends are for?’ 

Peter laughed.  ‘You’re such a dick, Ben.’ 

‘And that’s why you love me,’ Ben said cheerfully.  ‘Now drink up.’


	4. Chapter 4

Peter found himself thinking constantly of his new friends between lectures.  Sure, he’d met other people and was having fun getting to know the wide variety of personalities afforded by university. But none of them were as interesting, or felt as immediately like family, as Ben and his friends.  It was getting really frustrating to be unable to contact them if he wanted to do something, or found something he thought would make them laugh.  Apart from knowing the details of Balthazar’s upcoming gig, he had no way of contacting them outside of lectures.  He couldn’t even remember exactly where Ben’s place was, so he couldn’t casually drop by there, and he never seemed to run into them just by chance.  It was ridiculous, and Peter finally determined to do something about it. 

‘Hey, Ben,’ he said before one lecture started.  Though he knew it was cowardly, he couldn’t look at Balthazar while he made the request.  ‘Do you guys maybe want to catch a movie sometime, or something?’ 

‘How very civilised, Pedro my man.’ 

‘Pedro?’ 

‘Yeah, Pedro.  It’s your new nickname.  Thought of it myself.  Very proud.’ 

‘Whatever.’ 

‘It’s cooler!  You’ll thank me one day.  And yes, I’m sure we would love to see a movie.’  He snaked a glance sideways at Balthazar.  ‘We should go to a movie this weekend, even.  Together, all of us.  Bea, too.’ 

Peter rolled his eyes at Ben’s less-than-subtle insinuations.  ‘Sure.  I probably need your phone numbers, though.  So we can … you know … arrange stuff.’ 

Ben gave him one long, amused look.  ‘If you wanted our numbers, you could have just asked.  We don’t bite, you know.’ 

‘I just did!’ 

‘You know what I mean.’  He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Peter, while indicating in Balthazar’s direction while his back was turned. 

Peter could feel himself blushing, and hissed at Ben, ‘just give it a rest.  What are you trying to do?’

‘I’m just saying … we’ll be happy to give you our numbers, won’t we Balthy?’ 

‘Yeah, yeah.  Sure.’  Balthazar looked over at Peter shyly, and Peter felt his breath catch in his throat.  It was obvious Ben had told Balthazar that he was bi – there was a new awareness in the gaze that held his.  Not that Peter minded Balthazar knowing, but he wished he’d had a chance to mention it himself.  It felt vaguely wrong for something that possibly-momentous to be transmitted by someone else.  Still, he hadn’t told Ben not to say anything, and he’d known how Ben was, so he guessed he only had himself to blame.  He grinned back at Balthazar, and was rewarded with the sweetest smile he could remember seeing. 

Heart tripping inside his chest, Peter ignored Ben’s gleeful thumbs up.  Yes, he’d told Ben he wanted to take things slowly, but there didn’t seem to be much point in denying his feelings.  Still, if he were to be sensible he knew he hadn’t known either of these people for long – only a few weeks, though it felt like much longer.  While he felt the most comfortable he ever had, Peter knew it wasn’t a good idea to assume.  It would definitely be wiser to hold back until he’d known Balthazar longer, at least longer than a few lectures and a couple of drinking sessions. 

‘Give me your phone, then,’ said Ben.  ‘I’ll text you and we can sort something out.’ 

Feeling relieved, Peter handed over his phone.  He noticed that Ben added far more than just two numbers.

 

What he didn’t expect was the almost-constant stream of texts he started getting over the next week, not only from Ben and occasionally Balthazar, but also from Bea, Hero and even Ursula and Meg who he’d barely spoken to at Ben’s place. 

They were all light, teasing communications which served to bring him in and make him feel part of the group.  It was a little overwhelming, if he were being totally honest with himself.  Peter had always been an outgoing sort of person.  He got on with most people and had a knack of easing into conversations.  However, his year in Christchurch had dulled those aspects of him; he’d spent far more time than usual in his own company and he’d forgotten how much he enjoyed being around fun, relaxing people who genuinely seemed to want him around. 

 

Early on Saturday Peter’s phone buzzed and he groaned, burying his head under his pillow.  It figured – he’d thought he’d put his phone on silent when he got home last night, but obviously it had stopped at vibrate.  The noise of it buzzing against the solid wood of his desk was enough to rouse him.  He reached out to turn it off, but noticed it was Balthazar calling him.  Suddenly wide awake, he accepted the call. 

‘Hey!’ he said, wincing at how enthusiastic his voice sounded.  He’d promised himself he’d stay cool and here he was acting like a lovesick fool already.  He sat up on his bed so his back was leaning against the wall, unable to contain the grin that had sneaked onto his face. 

‘Hey.  Are you busy?’  Balthazar’s voice was friendly, though a little nervous. 

‘Nah, bro.  I was just sleeping.’ 

‘Oh, I’m sorry.  I’ll let you go …’ 

‘No!’  Peter could almost hear the panic in his voice, and his desperation to keep the other guy on the line.  ‘I’m awake now, and it’s probably time to be moving anyway.  What’s up?’ 

‘We’re all planning on going to see a movie today, if you want to come.  I texted but you didn’t answer, and Ben thought we needed to get tickets soon, so …’ 

‘Yeah!  Yeah, that’d be great.  What’s on?’ 

‘Well, most of us want to see the new She Hulk movie, but Ben wants to see the Marlowe biopic.  He’ll probably win – he usually does.’  

‘No!  We will lead the army to a mighty She Hulk victory!’ 

Peter heard Balthazar’s quiet chuckle and grinned.  It felt good to make him laugh. 

‘Alright.  Well … we were thinking of grabbing lunch first.  Do you know Queen Street very well?’ 

‘Not really.  Haven’t done too much exploring yet.’ 

‘Ok.  Well, you should be able to find Aotea Square, so we’ll meet you there about 12?’ 

‘Sure.’ 

Peter hung up, his mind buzzing.  That was the longest conversation he’d really had with Balthazar.  Even though it was pretty innocuous in content, he found himself revisiting the various nuances in his voice.  While obviously nervous, there was a warm cheekiness there which suggested someone who was pretty open when he relaxed.  It caused Peter to wonder what Balthazar _would_ be like relaxed, and got him very interested in making it happen. 

His phone buzzed again and he looked down at it. 

 _Pedro! Glad ur coming. Marlowe victorious!_  

Peter chuckled and texted back. 

 _Dream on, Ben.  Majority rules_  

 _You wound me.  But, fine!  She Hulk it is._  

Peter grinned at the text, and got ready for the afternoon in a much better mood than he’d felt in days.  It was nice to feel like part of a group after so long feeling like the outsider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: There is obviously no She Hulk movie or Marlowe biopic, though both are things I think should exist.


	5. Chapter 5

In the week after the movie expedition, Peter had found himself at various other social gatherings organised by one member or other of the group.   It was increasingly difficult to remember that he hadn’t known these people for very long.  They were all clearly very comfortable with each other and had known each other for a long time, and they all treated Peter as if he had been with them just as long.  

On the Friday, they were all gathered at Hero’s house.  Her mothers were out of town for the weekend, but they had willingly opened their house to her friends so long as her older brother, Leo, was there to keep an eye on them.   

Peter eventually found himself tucked onto a couch next to Ursula.  He followed her gaze across the room to where Hero was talking animatedly to a tall guy Peter had never seen before.  Ursula’s eyes were narrowed and she was shooting daggers at the guy.  Intrigued, Peter engaged her in conversation. 

‘Who’s that guy?’ 

‘Claudio.’  She said it like the word was poison, and Peter winced at the venom in her tone.  She had struck him as a fairly gentle person, but she acted like she wanted to rip the guy’s throat out. 

‘What’s the deal with him?  You seem a bit annoyed that he’s here.’ 

‘Oh, he’s just an asshole.  He and Hero had a bit of a thing last year until he became a possessive dickhead.’ 

‘Oh.’  Peter looked over at them again.  Hero was laughing, her head thrown back and a light in her eyes.  ‘She doesn’t seem to mind him now.’ 

Ursula scowled.  ‘That’s because Hero is a decent person and she forgave him.  But I haven’t forgotten what he did.  How he got so creepily clingy that she became almost scared to do anything with anyone who wasn’t him.  It was gross.  He’s a creep, and I don’t like it when he’s around.’ 

She took a deep drink of her beer, then shook herself a little and turned to Peter with a smile. 

‘But enough about that.  I shouldn’t let him get to me – not when we barely see him anymore.  What about you?  How are you finding Auckland?’ 

The conversation moved into smoother territory, but Peter noticed how often her eyes strayed towards Hero even after she stopped talking to Claudio.  She was clearly smitten.  He sympathised.  He couldn’t help his own gaze drifting towards Balthazar far more often than necessary.

Ursula noticed. 

‘You going to his gig tomorrow night?’ She bumped his shoulder with hers to get his attention back.  Peter jumped and he could feel the heat in his cheeks as he nodded. 

‘Yeah.  I said I would, and I want to hear this music I’ve heard so much about.’ 

‘Oh, you’ll love it.  He’s very good.’   She looked at him, and smiled.  ‘But then, you’d pretty much like anything he did, wouldn’t you?’ 

Peter glared at her.  ‘I can’t be _that_ obvious, surely?’ 

Oh, honey,’ she said.  ‘You keep telling yourself that.’  Ursula laughed, before adding, ‘I guess I’ll see you there.’  She stood up and squeezed his shoulder before moving towards Hero.  

Peter stayed where he was, happy just to watch Balthazar as he chatted to his friends.  He looked so much more open and relaxed here than he did in the lectures they shared.  Peter found himself fascinated by the way his hands flowed when he explained things – for someone so quiet, he used his body a lot while talking.  His face was also animated and alive as he described something with his hands, and his laughter rang out often.  Peter found it very hard to drag his eyes away.  Balthazar eventually looked up and smiled when he saw Peter looking his way.  He excused himself from his friends and made his way over. 

‘Hey,’ he said as he sat down beside Peter, taking the seat Ursula had freed up. 

‘Hey yourself.  How’re you feeling about tomorrow?’ 

‘Yeah, pretty good.  I play there reasonably often, so it’s not too scary.’ 

‘That’s really cool.  I’m looking forward to it.’ 

Balthazar smiled down at his hands.  ‘Well, I hope you like it.’ 

Peter leaned back against the back of the couch and took a drink.  ‘I’m sure I will.  I’ve liked everything I’ve seen you do so far.’ 

Balthazar looked up at him quickly, a question in his eyes.  Peter kicked himself – he hadn’t meant to be this open.  He cursed the beers he’d been having. 

‘I mean … I like you.’  _Man, that was even worse – way to dig a hole, Donaldson!_ Peter thought as he searched for some way to drag the conversation back to neutral territory. 

‘I like you, too.’  Balthazar smiled as he said it.  ‘I’m glad we met.’ 

‘Yeah, me too,’ Peter said.  ‘I’m glad I decided to come to Auckland.’ 

Balthazar smiled again, and looked back down at his hands.  The conversation slowly drifted to less-fraught topics, but Peter’s senses remained aflame.  They had come so perilously close to a confession, and he almost wished they had done so.  He knew he still didn’t know this guy well, except that he had been stuffed around a lot, but Peter was almost willing to throw caution to the wind.  After all, wasn’t that what dating was for?  Finding out how compatible you might be while finding out about the other person?  He certainly knew he felt alive and invigorated when he was around Balthazar.   He was aware of the other guy in a way he wasn’t aware of anyone else, not even Bea who he also found extremely attractive.  Peter wasn’t naïve enough to think this was more than a crush at the moment – he didn’t know anyone here well enough for that.  But he felt like it _could_ be more.  He really liked what he saw, and he wanted to explore it more. 

When it came down to it, all Peter knew was that out of everyone there he wanted to stay near Balthazar.  He wanted to know more about him, wanted to talk to him, wanted to make him laugh again.  So he stayed by Balthazar’s side as much as he could, ignoring everything his head tried to tell him about how to be sensible, and they spent the rest of the evening talking together, all under the watchful and very gleeful eye of Ben, who couldn’t hide his grin whenever he looked their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have made Claudio much creepier in this version. With no ‘Pedro’ and no John here to catalyse the situation with Hero it obviously never happened. However, I still found his behaviour in NMTD prior to the party repellent – writing his name on her face so people could know who she belonged to was revoltingly creepy. So my headcanon for this AU universe is: that side of him became more and more apparent until Hero decided he’s too controlling and possessive for her and broke up with him. So he’s still persona non gratia in the group but for slightly different reasons, though stemming from the same place of jealousy and possessiveness.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day dragged, though Peter usually enjoyed Saturdays.   He sat in his room, trying to get some of his assignments underway.  The first flush of being at university had worn off and suddenly all his courses had things due in the next two weeks.  He shuffled in his chair, trying to get comfortable, but to no avail.  He looked out the window and sighed.  It was times like these he wished he had a roommate, but Navarre Hall only had single rooms.  It had sounded like a good idea when he applied, but now he wanted someone to distract him from the upcoming evening.  He didn’t want to admit that he was nervous about seeing Balthazar play, because that was plainly ridiculous.   It was just another evening with his new-found friends, after all. 

Even so, when the time eventually came, Peter dressed with special care, and by the time he got to the bar, he could feel his palms sweating.  This was ridiculous, he chided himself again.  It’s not like he hadn’t seen Balthazar many times in many different places, but this seemed momentous somehow.  He knew how important this was to Balthazar – what would Peter do or say if he wasn’t very good?   If his friends had been exaggerating?  How could he look Balthazar in the eye if he didn’t enjoy it?  Peter breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted Ben waving at him from a table near the stage, and he was able to push away his thoughts.  He weaved through the crowd towards them. 

‘Hey!’ he said when he got close enough.  

‘Hey, Pedro!’ 

Peter rolled his eyes, but let it slide.  If it made Ben happy, he could live with a new nickname. 

‘When’re things kicking off?’ 

‘I think they have some other guy first, then Balthy will be on about Eight, I think.’ 

Peter checked his phone and realised they had about an hour to wait. 

‘Where is he?’ 

‘Oh, he hangs out with the others out the back.  Says he gets too nervous if he’s out here with us.  I can’t imagine why – we’re the very definition of supportive.’ 

Peter laughed.  ‘Yeah, you are.’ 

‘What?  Why does no-one believe me when I say that?’ Ben exclaimed. 

Carefully avoiding answering the question, Peter offered to go get a round of drinks.  By the time he got back the other guy was playing.  Peter had to admit he was quite good, and clapped politely when he was done.  He sat forward when the bar’s host came on again to announce Balthazar. 

He perched nervously on a stool in front of the microphone.  His guitar was gripped in a hand that was visibly shaking a little and Peter felt his insides churn.  He willed Balthazar to do well, as if the mere act of him thinking it could help his friend out.  Balthazar took a breath, forced himself to relax, then leaned slightly forwards so he could reach the microphone, and said, ‘hey everyone.  I’m just going to play a few things tonight – some covers, but some of my own songs too.  I hope you like it.’  

Peter looked at Ben with raised brows.  He mouthed, _his own songs, too_?  Ben nodded, a grin plastered on his face.  He looked as excited as a proud dad as he turned back to the stage. 

As he settled his guitar on his knee, Balthazar looked out into the audience as if searching for someone.  His face lightened when he caught Peter’s eye, and he started the first song while still holding his gaze.  Peter couldn’t look away – as corny as it was, he could _feel_ himself getting in deeper with every note.  His chest felt tight, and he was reasonably sure that wasn’t because of the stuffiness of the room.  He ignored all attempts from the others to engage him in conversation, and just focused on Balthazar.  In fact, he found couldn’t drag his eyes away long enough to focus on anything else.  

The others hadn’t been exaggerating when they said Balthazar was good.  If the first guy had been decent, Balthazar was compelling and Peter felt himself becoming less concerned about timing with every note.  _Ah, fuck it_ , he thought as Balthazar caught his eye again and smiled.  _Waiting around and taking things slowly is for losers._  

The songs Balthazar covered were all very good, but where he took flight for real was when he played his own songs.  Singing the covers, Balthazar was performing outwards, directing his energy to the audience, but when he sang his own songs he became more pensive, turning inwards, clearly lost in his own world.  While Peter had never heard them before, the absolute passion and conviction Balthazar had when he sang them shone through and he found himself mesmerised by each one.  He wasn’t surprised when there was a general murmur of discontent when Balthazar said he was finishing. 

When he got to their table, Ben ostentatiously moved aside so Balthazar was forced to slide a chair in between him and Peter.  For once, Peter didn’t mind the meddling. 

‘You were amazing!’ he said, his eyes focused on Balthazar.  ‘That was the best amateur gig I’ve ever seen.’ 

Balthazar blushed and ducked his head.

‘Nah, it was ok.  I can never get the chords right on …’ 

‘I mean it, though.  I’ve never heard those songs before but they were all brilliant.  I want a CD or something.  You should be famous!’ 

Balthazar just smiled.  ‘I’m glad you liked it.’  He sucked in a deep breath, before adding, ‘but I think … I think I’m going to go outside for some fresh air.’ 

Peter was reluctant to let him go; he wanted to talk more, somehow make Balthazar understand exactly how much he had enjoyed the show.  ‘You want some company?’ 

‘Yeah.  Sure.’ 

They excused themselves and walked to the door.  Peter was aware that several eyes were on them, carefully weighing up exactly what they were doing.  He laughed as they pushed the door open and started heading towards a small park Balthazar knew nearby. 

‘You know they think we’re going outside to make out or something, right?’ 

Balthazar smiled and glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.  ‘Nah nah.  Why would you think that?  Ben’s been so very subtle …’ 

Peter laughed again, genuinely taken aback by the sly comment. 

‘You don’t mind?’ 

Balthazar looked up at him.  ‘No.  And I wouldn’t mind if it were true, either.’  He blushed before looking away.  

By this time they had reached the park, and Peter stopped.  He grabbed Balthazar’s arm and pulled him around to look at him again.  There was a weird pressure in his chest.  It felt weighty, a physical presence that needed to be addressed, and he realised he was unaccountably nervous.  If they did this, they couldn’t take it back. . 

‘Do you really mean that?  I mean, we haven’t known each other for long and I …’ 

‘Of course I mean it!’  Balthazar’s voice was firm and he looked directly into Peter’s eyes.  The effect of his eyes, so clear and firm, made Peter’s stomach clench again.  He could feel that pressure becoming more solid against his chest.  It made him desperately want to fidget and pull his gaze away to release some of the unbearable weight still pressing on him, but he was unable to stop looking into those eyes.  

‘Do you want to?’  Balthazar whispered, his voice hitching at the end as his eyes drifted down to look at Peter’s lips. 

In response, Peter leaned down slightly and brushed his lips against Balthazar’s.  While the kiss was light, barely a peck, something shifted in Peter’s chest and the pressure became even more intense.  Peter drew back a little to take a deep, shuddering breath.  For one long moment, Balthazar looked at him, weighing up the situation, but then he pressed forward and kissed Peter deeply.  One arm snaked around his back, while the other held onto his jacket as if he thought Peter might disappear if he let go.  Peter slid one hand around Balthazar’s back and allowed the other one to drift to the hair at the base of his neck.  

When they broke apart, Peter could feel his heart hammering in his chest.  It had been a long time since a simple kiss had that profound an effect on him.

‘Well, that was …’ 

‘Yeah.’  Balthazar laughed, his voice breathy in his throat.  The sound of it was so unbearably sexy that Peter felt his stomach clench again and desire thud through his body.  The weird pressure was gone, but what was left – the calm peace he suddenly felt – seemed even weightier.  Peter took another shaky breath in.  Balthazar reached up to press another light kiss on his lips, before shyly offering him his hand.  Peter took it, and they sat together on a nearby bench, neither of them willing to go back to the bar just yet.


	7. Chapter 7

Several pleasant minutes later, Peter and Balthazar found themselves sitting, hands entwined and shoulders and legs touching, just soaking in being with each other. 

‘Was that enough fresh air for you?’  Peter asked, grinning when Balthazar blushed. 

‘Yeah, I guess we _should_ be getting back.  I don’t usually stay out this long and the others might be getting worried.’ 

‘I doubt they’ll be worried.  They’re more likely to think we’re having a raging orgy than anything else.’ 

Balthazar chuckled, hiding his blush in his free hand.  ‘Nah…’ 

‘Do you always come outside after your gigs?’  Peter asked, to ease the sudden tension. 

Balthazar let his breath out in a slow sigh, before answering.  ‘Yeah, usually.  It’s weird … like, I love being on stage and having people enjoy what I do, but it’s really intense, y’know?’  He peered up at Peter intently, as if willing him to understand.  It was ridiculously endearing, and Peter couldn’t help but reach out to touch his face. 

‘I can understand that.’ 

‘Yeah.  And when it’s over I just find being with people is hard.  Like I need time out before I can get a social vibe again.’ 

‘Oh.’  Peter shrugged uncomfortably.  ‘I didn’t mean to intrude.’ 

‘Nah, I didn’t mean you.  I like being here with you.’ 

As a clear invitation for another kiss, Peter had to oblige before sighing and saying, ‘you’re probably right, though.  It’s getting cold and we should go back to the others.’  He started to stand up, then realised something.  ‘Do you…?  Should we…?’ he waved his hand in the direction of the bar, before offering it to Balthazar to help him up. 

‘Tell the others?  I dunno man.  What do you think?’ 

‘I think …’ Peter stopped and looked at Balthazar carefully, weighing up the situation.  ‘Actually, you know what?  Ben told me about the jerks you’ve been seeing.’  Balthazar looked uncomfortable and ducked his head again.  ‘I think, in that case, it’s up to you – whatever makes _you_ comfortable.  I don’t mind either way.’ 

‘I don’t think we could exactly hide it from them.  It’s going to be pretty obvious, I think.  But I think … I think we should make them work for it.’  His eyes sparkled.  ‘Ben deserves some punishment, don’t you think?’ 

‘I like your style, Mr Jones.’ 

They shared one last kiss before walking back to the bar in comfortable silence.  They re-entered and wandered back to the table by the stage.  A young woman was currently screeching about pain, and everyone was wearing strained smiles, trying to politely tune her out without making it obvious. 

‘Heyyyyy, guys.  We were getting worried.  About to send out a search party, weren’t we?’  Ben’s eyes were bright with excitement as he surveyed the two of them.  

‘Shut it, Ben,’ Meg demanded.  ‘Leave them alone.’ 

‘What?  I just mentioned they were out for a while …’ 

Peter laughed.  ‘We had a good talk, lost track of time.  Balthy’s a fascinating person.’  He caught Balthazar’s eye and caught his brief smirk.  ‘But it got a bit cold so we came back.’ 

Ben’s eyes took on a more appraising glint as he glanced between the two of them.  Peter could see him weighing up the difference in them and coming to conclusions.  He grinned to himself, determined to help Balthazar make Ben sweat a bit longer.  He tuned back in to the conversation swirling around him. 

‘Yeah, I can’t believe it’s already autumn,’ Bea was saying happily.  ‘It only feels like yesterday when school was finishing and summer just beginning with all the evil it brings.’ 

‘No.  No.  I will not talk about the weather.  You know your social life has gone to hell when you start talking weather.  I demand better conversation!’ 

‘My conversation is amazing as always.  You just don’t appreciate true skills.’ 

‘True skills?  You call _that_ ‘true skills’?  Why, I …’        

‘I have a better idea,’ Hero interjected before they could get out of hand.  ‘Anyone want to go dancing?  I’m pretty over this –‘  She carefully indicated behind her to the girl who was still singing, making sure her gestures couldn’t be seen from the stage. 

The others all agreed so they all headed towards the door.  Peter noticed that Ursula had pulled Balthazar aside and was gesticulating towards him rather forcefully as she talked.  He smiled at her and headed out the door behind Ben. 

He wasn’t surprised when she ended up walking beside him, then slowed him enough to ensure they were a little behind the others and unlikely to be overheard. 

‘You’d better treat him right,’ she said with no preamble. 

‘I intend to,’ Peter said.  ‘You’re all very protective of him, though.  I’d have thought he could look after himself.’ 

‘He can, yeah.  But we all look out for each other, and _he’s_ been dicked around a lot – much more than anyone else – and I don’t want to see it happen with someone he seems to really like.  So.  You better not stuff up.  Also, I understand we’re hiding it from the others.’  The look she gave him communicated more than any words could.  

‘I swear that was his idea!’  Peter held his hands up.  ‘I gave him the option to say something or not – y’know _because_ of all those jerks.  He decided Ben should work for the information and not have it handed on a plate.’ 

Ursula choked back a startled bark of laughter.  ‘Balthy said that?’ 

‘Yeah.’ 

‘Wow.  That’s so unlike him.  He’s usually very up front about his dates.  This is so … different.’  She looked him over carefully, and added, ‘you don’t seem like his usual type of jerk, so I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt.  Just … don’t stuff up.’  The look she gave him was stern but there was a warmth behind the frown. 

As Peter walked, he could feel Balthazar’s eyes on him and he smiled again.  This had been a weird, but good, night.  He could still feel the touch of Balthazar’s lips on his, a slight tingle when he remembered his arms around the other guy, a warmth which remained in his chest as he thought back to the feeling of Balthazar’s hand clenched around his jacket, twisting them closer together.  He looked up to catch Balthazar’s eye and found himself wishing he had asked to tell everyone, just so he could take his hand now.  Balthazar grinned at him and shook his head, as if he sensed what Peter was thinking.  Rather taken with this new, teasing Balthazar, Peter grinned back and walked on, willing to follow his lead. 


	8. Chapter 8

The next few days were torturous for Peter.  Now that he had kissed Balthazar, he couldn’t stop thinking about him.  Unfortunately, they were both very busy so frustrated texts and phone calls between lectures were all the communication they had.  That meant Peter found himself waiting impatiently in their next lecture very early.  He was hoping Balthazar would get there before Ben, so they could have at least a minute or two of in-person private conversation, but it was not to be. 

Ben turned up with an amused-looking Balthazar in his wake. 

‘There you are, Pedro.  All eager and excited for the lecture are we?  We all know how much your studies mean to you.’ 

Ben waggled his eyebrows at Peter, making exaggerated hand movements towards Balthazar, who was behind him and couldn’t see.  As if accidentally, he sat down between Peter and Balthazar and put an arm around both of them.  

‘Ah, see, isn’t this nice,’ he said.  ‘Friends together.  Chummy chums, just hanging together and being chums.  We’re all just very good chums, hanging around being nothing but chums.’ 

‘Yeah it’s great,’ Peter said, shrugging off Ben’s arm.  ‘I love meeting all my mates in lecture theatres.  Gives a real aura of fun to the time together.’ 

He glanced behind Ben’s head to Balthazar, who grinned at him.  Peter rolled his eyes, but played along with Ben.  It was obvious he was trying to get them to admit something, but Peter was having too much fun watching Ben try to force their confession.  Ben had obviously worked out that something had changed on Saturday night, but wasn’t sure how far it had gone.  It was currently more amusing than frustrating watching him try to find out. 

Once the lecture was over, they went to their usual café to have a coffee.  Peter was reasonably sure Ben would take the opportunity to interrogate the two of them, and he wasn’t disappointed.  This time Ben took the direct approach. 

‘So it was obviously a passionate, hearts and flowers makeout session on Saturday night, right guys?  You can’t wait to be alone right now so you can rip each other’s clothes off and ravish each other.  Don’t try to deny it; I can see it in your beady little eyes’ 

Peter laughed, knowing he was just fishing for information.  He glanced at Balthazar, to see him trying hard to contain his own laughter. 

‘So subtle, Ben.  You’re losing your touch.  We told you – we talked, it was good.’  He shrugged.  ‘I don’t know what else you want us to say. 

‘So you didn’t … well, ‘do’ anything, then?’ 

Peter caught Balthazar’s eye again, and they shared one long, amused look.  ‘I’m not sure what you mean, Ben.  It sounds like you’re suggesting some sort of sex-fuelled escapade, and it was way too cold for that sort of thing.’ 

‘Alright.  Fine.  You’re not going to say anything.  That’s fine.’  Ben thunked his coffee cup down on the table and glared at them. 

Balthazar said, ‘you look a little frustrated there, Ben.  You need to get out a bit.  Maybe find yourself a girlfriend …’ 

He couldn’t hold in his chortle as Ben’s face dropped into an outraged O of surprise.  Peter, watching Balthazar, felt himself filling with adoration.  Ben was right in one aspect – it had been far too long since Saturday night, and he couldn’t wait to finish his coffee, get rid of Ben, and finally get Balthazar alone.

That took more arranging than he’d expected.  Ben’s tactic was clearly to keep them apart until they got so frustrated that they gave in and told him what he wanted to hear.  Accordingly, he marched Balthazar away with him when they left the café, saying he really needed his help studying.  Balthazar cast one resigned look at Peter around Ben’s shoulder.  Peter mouthed back, ‘I’ll text you,’ and then they were gone.

 

By the time Peter got back to his room he was regretting the desire to annoy Ben.  Yes, it was amusing and yes he’d had a good time today.  But he could have had a better time if they’d just allowed themselves to be open about it.  Peter was in quite a grumpy mood when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket an hour later. 

_Ditched Ben.  You wanna meet somewhere?_  

Peter smiled, his mood lifting immediately. 

_Your place or mine? ;)_  

_Yours is probably safer from Ben_  

_See you soon, then.  Navarre Hall, room 408._

Peter glanced around his room, seeing it from fresh eyes for the first time, and shuddered.  It was a mess, with clean laundry tossed in a heap in one corner, books and papers scattered over the floor where he’d been studying, and his bed unmade.  He quickly gathered up the clothes and thrust them into his wardrobe, grabbed all the papers and stuffed them into a pile on his desk before yanking the covers up on his bed.  He stood back to admire his handiwork and realised it still looked unmade.  Grumbling under his breath, Peter pulled it apart and made it properly.  He surveyed the rest of the room.  There wasn’t anything too embarrassing on show.  His music collection was probably a little mainstream for Balthazar’s tastes, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it, and Balthazar should probably know what he was getting into from the start anyway. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on his door. He spun around, nervously flattened his hair and then opened the door. 

‘Hey!’  Balthazar said, the twitchiness of his movements showing he was obviously as nervous as Peter himself.  

‘Hey yourself.’  Peter stood back so Balthazar could enter the room.  He stood anxiously in the middle of the open space before Peter shut the door and turned to him. 

They looked at each other for a moment, both hovering nervously and unsure how to act around each other.  Gone was the easy familiarity they’d shared when trying to wind Ben up.  

Peter started laughing.  

‘This is stupid,’ he said.  ‘Sit down, relax.  Let’s just talk maybe, yeah?’ 

‘Yeah, okay.’ 

They sat together on Peter’s bed, legs touching and a weird tension flickering between them. 

‘It’s different in daylight,’ Balthazar said after a few minutes of innocuous small talk, his voice pensive.  ‘Knowing something could happen, I mean.  Not just in the moment.’ 

‘Yeah,’ said Peter.  He held out his hand and Balthazar took it.  Their fingers twined together, and Peter grinned.  ‘It’s nice though,’ he said.  ‘Knowing we can.  If we want to.’  He looked at Balthazar and found his eyes drifting down to his lips.  The grin faded into a soft smile.  ‘And I do … want to, I mean.’ 

His eyes held a question and Balthazar answered it by leaning forward and kissing him.  Unlike the fevered kisses of Saturday night, this one was soft, slow and sweet.  Peter could feel the tension leeching out of him as he brought his hand up to cup Balthazar’s face.  Eventually they pulled back and smiled at each other.  

As they sat together, relaxed now, legs entwined and hands brushing each other as they talked, Peter realised something that had been creeping up on him.  He cared about this person’s welfare; he wanted him to be happy.  He wanted to be the person to make him happy.  Being able to make Balthazar light up meant the world to him, and he was starting to understand what that meant.  

_Shit_ , he thought, _I’m really falling for him.  This is too fast …_


	9. Chapter 9

Peter decided he’d better not push Balthazar too far, too fast.  He knew he was getting himself in deep, and he tried to keep things as casual as he could to avoid falling too hard.  Besides, he didn’t want to scare Balthazar off – this was too new to be making declarations of undying love, even if Peter wanted to.  So, they carried on as they had been – flirty texts, long glances at lectures and the occasional date.  Balthazar seemed very happy with the situation so Peter decided not to push too hard. 

Even so, it didn’t take long for Ben to work out that Peter and Balthazar were … whatever they were.  He still sat between them at lectures over the next two weeks, making pointed insinuations, and clearly enjoying the wafts of frustration that Peter could feel himself putting off – and which he had little doubt Balthazar was feeling too.  Whenever they caught each other’s eyes behind Ben’s back, they held the looks for longer than necessary, and there was always a sympathetic groan lurking behind Balthazar’s expression.  Peter frequently found himself looking at Balthazar more often than he paid attention to the lecturer, despite finding the content fascinating.  Balthazar was usually looking back. 

When they retreated to their now-usual post-lecture café, Ben sat them down and smirked at them. 

‘Well, guys.  Are you ready to confess yet?  This has been entertaining, but your pining at each other behind my back is getting just a little bit nauseating.’ 

‘Excuse you … we don’t pine!’  Peter said, trying to put as much sincerity into his voice as he could. 

Ben opened his mouth to respond, but Balthazar stopped him with a laugh. 

‘Okay, fine.  You’ve made your point.  Yes, we got together, okay?  Are you happy now?’ 

‘Hey!  I thought we were going to tease him for a bit longer.’  Peter smiled, looking at Balthazar. 

‘Nah, I think we got maximum fun out of it already.  And his interference _was_ getting annoying …’ 

Ben broke in to their discussion.  ‘Aha!  I knew it.  So, when was the momentous occasion?  When did you fall into each other’s arms and declare your passion for each other?’ 

‘Never,’ said Peter.  ‘And you have a really weird image of what romance involves.  No wonder you’re not into it.’ 

‘And I don’t think you need to know when it was … just that it was,’ Balthazar grinned. 

‘Spoilsport!’ 

‘Always.  You know I live to annoy you, Benedick.’ 

‘Wait, Benedick?  Your name is _Benedick_?’  Peter was temporarily diverted from his attempts to surreptitiously move his chair closer to Balthazar’s. 

‘I’ll have you know it’s a fine old Latin word – many upstanding people have shared that name!’ 

‘How did I not know this before?  Think of all the dick jokes I’ve missed out on …’ 

Balthazar laughed again at the look on Ben’s face.  ‘Don’t tell me I’ve hooked up with someone who has _that_ much class?’ he teased Peter. 

‘Oh, that’s just the start – wait til you hear my in-depth reservoir of toilet jokes.  No-one can resist me then.  To be honest, I’m not sure how you resisted as long as you did.’ 

They held each other’s gaze for a long beat, and Peter couldn’t keep a broad grin from his face.  Balthazar’s eyes were alight with amusement and he sported a similarly soppy smile. 

‘Ack!  Stop!  Get a room!’  Ben squawked, his disgust clear in his tone.  

‘I thought this was what you wanted,’ Peter teased as he dragged his eyes from Balthazar’s.  ‘Just a few moments ago you were desperate for us to admit to getting together.’ 

‘That was before I realised how disgustingly soppy you two are.  Can’t we go back to the nauseating pining?’ 

Peter laughed.  ‘Nope,’ he said, smiling at Balthazar.  ‘You can’t take it back now.’

 

The rest of the group seemed to accept as a matter of course that where Balthazar was, Peter would be too.  They were constantly referred to as a couple by the others, but Peter noticed Balthazar flinching every time one of them did it.  Whenever he noticed the flinch, Peter’s heart sank.  It seemed like, while he was eager to be a couple, Balthazar was still hesitant.  Peter knew, in his head, that they had still not known each other for long, and that this slower pace was a good idea, sensible even.  It was just … it was just that it hurt knowing that he saw Balthazar as much more than just a ‘hook up’ – the use of that phrase in the cafe hadn’t passed him by, and he couldn’t help wondering what it meant.  Did Balthazar really just see him as a short-term fling?  The idea was terrifying, so Peter carefully kept his distance, matching his advances to Balthazar’s own and keeping things relatively light and low key.  Whatever he did, it was important not to push Balthazar away by being over-eager. 

Even so, Peter could feel Balthazar distancing himself even more.  He still acted loving and was a lot of fun to be with, but it felt like there was some sort of barrier going up.  Their conversation never went very deep, and whenever Peter veered near topics close to Balthazar’s heart his face would shut down and he’d steer the conversation onto lighter topics.  In a seemingly-futile attempt to give Balthazar what he wanted, Peter too began to avoid those topics until it seemed like all they did was talk about uni and the weather.  It was frustratingly insufficient for Pater. 

‘Peter?’  Balthazar asked one day while they were lounging on Peter’s bed. 

‘Mmmmm?’  Peter had his eyes closed and his head in Balthazar’s lap. 

‘Do you …’ he stopped, and there was an edge to his voice that made Peter sit up quickly and look at him.  Balthazar sighed and avoided Peter’s eyes.  ‘Do you think this is working?’ 

‘What do you mean ‘this’?’ 

‘This … us’ Balthazar waved his hands between them.  ‘Because it feels like it isn’t going anywhere.’ 

‘Are you saying you don’t want to do this anymore?’  Peter asked, and he could hear the panic in his voice. 

He held his breath as Balthazar opened his mouth to reply.


	10. Chapter 10

There was an unbearable tension as Peter waited for Balthazar to answer his question.  He could feel his heart tripping for all the wrong reasons, and his palms were suddenly sweaty.  Balthazar wouldn’t catch his eye, though, and the moment stretched in a very uncomfortable way.  It was all Peter could do to stop himself from fidgeting. 

‘I feel like that’s what you want,’ Balthazar whispered finally, still looking down at the hands that were twisted in his lap.  ‘Like you want to stop seeing me.’ 

‘What?  Why would you think that?’  Peter grabbed Balthazar’s hands and tried to get him to look him in the eye.  Balthazar steadfastly looked down while he answered. 

‘Well, you always seem to hold back.  Like whenever we get close to talking about where things might be going you change the subject, and …’ 

Peter laughed, causing Balthazar to look up, startled.  ‘We’re such idiots,’ he said affectionately.  ‘I’ve been holding back because I thought you weren’t ready for anything more.’ 

‘What?’  Balthazar looked genuinely confused.  ‘What would give you that idea?’ 

‘All your friends – they keep marching up to me and demanding that I treat you with respect and how you’ve been ‘dicked around’ – Ursula’s words – and how I need to be careful with your feelings, and it all sounded like ‘slow down Peter, don’t scare him off’ and so …’ 

Balthazar leaned over and kissed Peter thoroughly.  ‘My friends are all wonderful people, but I swear I am going to kill them,’ he said when he pulled back. 

He took Peter’s hand and weaved their fingers together.  They relaxed back against the wall, with their heads close together. 

‘Was there anything else?’ Balthazar asked.  ‘You seem to have been talking to my friends an awful lot.’  The ‘and not me’ hung between them.  Peter sniggered. 

‘To be fair, they did work very hard to keep us apart for a while so I _couldn’t_ talk to you.’ 

‘This is true.’ 

‘There _was_ this one thing that made me feel a bit weird.’ 

‘Yeah?’ 

‘Yeah.  Your reaction every time someone said we were together or called us a couple.  You would sort of flinch, and I figured …’ 

‘Oh.’  Balthazar blushed.  ‘I was worried – that you would feel pressured.  Like I knew you’d never had a relationship with a guy before and I thought they would scare you off.’ 

Peter laughed again.  ‘We really have been idiots.  You know … I was _also_ worried when you said this was just a hook up that time.’ 

Balthazar sighed deeply.  ‘I thought that was what you wanted – you know, something light and casual and not all serious and relationshippy.’ 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, taking in the extent of their miscommunications. 

‘I think I’ve learned something from this whole thing,’ Balthazar said thoughtfully. 

‘Yeah? What’s that?  That you are currently sitting with a very attractive, totally irresistible person?’ 

Balthazar laughed and kissed Peter again.  ‘That, too.  But no.  I think … perhaps talking to each other would be a better idea than listening to Ben – who is clearly not an expert on love.’ 

Peter’s pulse raced.  ‘Love?’  His voice came out more hesitant and breathy than he had intended.  He caught Balthazar’s eye and saw that he looked like a startled deer. 

‘I didn’t mean …’ Balthazar was clearly unsettled, but he didn’t try to take it back, and there was an admission in his eyes, so Peter decided to take the plunge. 

‘I …’ Peter took a deep breath, worried that this was going too fast, but unable to keep it inside any more.  He said, ‘I’ve also been holding back because I feel like … like I’m falling for you and I thought you didn’t feel the same way.’  He rushed the last bit out, his heart beating unpleasantly.  

‘You are?’  Balthazar’s face had lit up, making Peter’s insides turn into a puddle of both relief and desire. 

‘Yeah, I really think I am,’ Peter said, softly.  

‘I think I’m falling for you, too.’ Balthazar admitted as he held Peter’s gaze and smiled – the small smile Peter had always loved because it seemed to be for him alone.  He realised how long it had been since he’d seen it. 

Peter’s chest expanded with warmth as he closed the gap between them.  Finally, he didn’t feel like there was something holding him back, and he lost himself in the kiss.  They ended up tangled in a pile of limbs on the bed, breathing heavily.  Peter couldn’t remember ever feeling happier. 

‘So, do we label it, then?’ 

‘Label what?’ 

‘This … us.’  Peter smiled as he used Balthazar’s words from earlier. 

‘If you want to.  What’s a good label for it?’ 

‘Sexiest beasts alive?’ 

Balthazar’s startled laugh rang out again, and Peter once again had the satisfaction of feeling like he could make this person laugh and be happy.  He was pretty sure he would never get used to how happy that made him feel.  His face softened, he ran his fingers through Balthazar’s hair, and added, ‘Seriously though.  Boyfriends?’ 

‘Boyfriends.  Yeah, I like it.  It feels right.’  Balthazar wriggled until he was leaning back against Peter, and added, ‘I’m glad we talked today – things were getting really ridiculous.’ 

‘Yeah they were.  You know, we should set ourselves up as love experts … or maybe love gods.  We’re certainly better at this than Ben is.’ 

Balthazar chuckled again.  ‘Ben could do with some love godding of his own,’ he said. 

‘Noticed that, did you?’ 

‘They’re not exactly subtle,’ Balthazar said.  ‘That weird thing they do has been going on for years … they need to just get over themselves.’ 

‘The key, as we have learned, is communication.  How do we get them communicating?  Properly communicating?’ 

‘How about … we talk to them?’ 

‘That’s a bit shocking!’ 

‘I know, I know!  But hear me out.’  Balthazar squirmed around until he was facing Peter. 

Peter, feeling more content than he had in a long time, settled back to listen.  He had that same odd feeling of being connected – that what he had found with Balthazar was just the natural extension of the way he’d been accepted into the whole group.  It was amazing what just a few short minutes of real communication had achieved; Peter felt calmer and more at peace than he had in a long time.  If he had only listened to his heart rather than his trying-to-be-sensible head he might have communicated better, and they might have been in this happy state earlier.   It seemed like the right thing to do to try to help his other friends achieve something similar, too.  Besides, Balthazar seemed very enthusiastic about the idea, and who was he to quell that enthusiasm?  Peter smiled, and he sat back, enjoying the feeling of contentment as he watched his boyfriend’s face light up when he started explaining. 

‘What was the problem we had?’ 

‘People interfering,’ Peter said with a slight grimace. 

‘Exactly.  No-one actually spoke to us directly – _we_ didn’t speak to us directly.  So it all got a bit complicated.’ 

Peter nodded. 

‘So.  What’s Ben and Bea’s problem?’ 

‘They’re not talking directly?  No-one’s talking directly to them?’ 

‘Exactly.  So, how do we fix that?’ 

‘By talking to them.’  Peter nodded.  ‘You’re so wise.’ 

‘I know.  And that’s why you love me.’ Balthazar smirked as he leaned towards Peter. 

It wasn’t a bad idea, Peter thought as they settled down together.  It really seemed like a lot of their own trouble _could_ have been avoided with a little direct conversation – and Bea and Ben really were ridiculous in how assiduously they avoided actual, meaningful discussion with each other, preferring to ‘communicate’ through bickering.  It may not work, Ben and Bea may need an entirely different approach, but basic communication couldn’t hurt, and as Peter had discovered it was often what was actually needed.  

Anyway – after Ben’s machinations over the past few weeks, he deserved a bit of interference of his own.  All in the name of better communication, of course, Peter thought as he allowed himself the luxury of kissing Balthazar again.  This communication thing was quite addictive really.


End file.
